Oh buKit, where art though?

I lost your email.

so 'what it do'...

Not that this comes as any surprise to any of you, but yet again I dropped off the face of the Earth.

I'm sure you're all shocked.

As far as what's going on in my world:
I had surgery on my left arm last week. I have terrible pain and numbness in my left hand as the result of a work-related injury, this rendering my musical abilties null and void. And it kills me to say that.

I'm in the process of getting divorced. And it kills me to say that. Don't hate me. Its really rough feeling like you're all alone in the world, and that everything you've worked for was all for nothing. I really don't know what else to say.

my new email address, and this shouldn't change, is kjungleboy@gmail.com.

Please drop me a line.

Once again, I'm sorry for not staying in touch.

İBienvenido Ernesto!

Welcome all to my less than frequent update for the month.

I guess that I should begin by saying that my life is tumultuous at best. In a nutshell: i guess its just a bit too much reality for me to deal with right now.

T'is the season of the mighty hurricane. We weathered two last year. Please reference my earlier blogs to see how my panic-stricken ass dealt with them.

This latest storm Ernesto seems destined to fuck with my chi.

where's my band , the arrosox, when you need it?

I hate my life.

so what gives?

where have i been?

nowhere yet.

hello all there out in kjungleland.

Contrary to popular belief, I am still alive.

Alright, as for the update...

My life...
Aaron passed summer school. I broke the mirror off my car backing out of the garage while trying to avoid my other cars. I've been doing training at work and have met a lot of interesting people and its been a validation of sorts as far as my career goes.

my music...
my wife bought me an mbox for my b-day in january which i finally received in like march. i've just recently started messing around with it to some degree of proficiency. i've started my own myspace site which i will upload songs, riffs, and snipets of stuff. who knows. it'll probably be updated even less frequently than this blog. gimmie time. i'm really trying to figure this stuff out without any help or free time.

i'd just like to close by saying that i thank everyone for their continued words of encouragement. I'm starting to get pissed off again by the goings on in the world. So some more frequent updates are definitely in order.

you guys rock. you know who you are. i surely do!!!

kirk out

My current favorite band

you'll probably hate them, but i don't care:

Acceptance

http://www.acceptancerock.com/

they're not new; their latest album is like a year old. kinda like an emo band with a glossy bob rock production. i dunno. it just works for me.

kirk out

my life sucks

i hate being me sometimes.

?

What to do...

Its been over a month since last I updated.

I think that the goings on in my personal life at this time are well beyond the scope of this blog, at least in this incarnation. Maybe some BS abstract writing is in order. Not right now though, at least not as I write this.

For those of you that link to this and happen to keep up with this, even though its not updated anymore, you rule. It humbles me to think that there are people in this world that are genuinely concerned with any random thought, idea, or feeling that happened to cross my mind. I know who you are. It means a lot.

With that, I'll crawl off to my little corner and drift.

Am I still a blogger?

Its been a while...

My wife bought an Mbox for me. Even though i don't know how to use it yet, the gesture rulez!

thank you, ronnie.

They love the tuna fish

Day three, cat three.

I moved the trap to the flowerbed last night. They seem to really like using it as a litter box. Our latest little bundle of joy showed up this morning. If you have trouble with stray cats in your neighborhood, I highly recommend contacting your local humane society to see if they have a cat trapping program.

Gotcha

Two days, and two cats apprehended.

If anyone is interested in adopting these stray cats, please go to the Harris County Animal Control Website.

Here, kitty kitty.

My neighborhood has a serious stray cat problem. They really don't belong to anyone, and they constantly get into the trash, defacate in the flower beds, and fight with one another. Naturally, I assumed that our municipal animal control establishment could take care of the problem. Apparently they need my assistance.

So, in keeping with the cat motif this week, I offer this:


One cat trap courtesy of Harris County Animal Control. I trap 'em, they fetch 'em. I've already had one lucky feline so far. True to their word, the Animal Control people came out and picked him up.

A brief message to my loyal minions

From time to time, I seem to drop off the face of the Earth for no apparent reason. Obviously this has been the case in recent weeks as I've severely curtailed my internet usage. I fully intend to keep kjunglerants alive and mean no disrespect to the loyal readers of said blog. I wholeheartedly apologize for any lack of recent updates.

As far as the goings on in my life:


The boys just got back from a trip to Ohio and Kentucky and were happy to be home.

Canada's government is collapsing with a no confidence vote given to prime misister Paul Martin. The vote was led in part by the conservative party. Take that, liberal bastards.


With that, I offer this...



http://www.addictinggames.com/kittencannon.html

Please do not follow the link if you are in any way, shape, or form a "cat person".

Separate Ways

Yesterday, I received a rather telling postcard. I believe the author wanted the contents published so that HIS side could be told. I do so here unedited and without comment...

There comes a time in one's existence where one faces a period of deep introspection. After taking stock of my life, I came to the realization that my my priorities were a bit out of whack, and that I was devoting way too much time and energy to Team buKit. Sure, we had some good times. I still think buKit wanted to trade me in for a newer model with GPS and a handy bottle opener, but that's all water under the bridge. Despite being all calm, cool, collected, and carefree on the outside, buKit is a stern taskmaster. I can't even begin to count the times I was utilized for things that well above and beyond my intended functions. Remember that time in Montreal, buKit?

Despite what may seem like a case of sour grapes, I wish Team buKit all the best in their future endeavours. I'm finally at peace with myself. The wife and I have never gotten along better. I think I'll stick to my one true passion. Rigging elections for the Republican Party. With that, I bid you adieu.

-Stan Multitool

The boy who cried Hurricane

Well, it appears that we made it out just fine. Others off to the east of us were far less fortunate. The damage and expense that we incurred was small potatoes compared to most.

Bubbies

The official 'hurricane hideout.'

This is one of the two most inner rooms in our house. Its a storage closet that has no windows. We removed most of the contents and placed a quilt on the floor just in case the kids needed a safe place to stay/sleep. They brought down a TV and watched a movie complete with a fan and some popcorn. editors note- the bottle held by Jacob contains NO alcohol.

Prelude

Friday, 9/23/05 11:28AM

Hurricane Rita's projected path is now predicted to make a direct hit in the Beaumont-Port Arthur area. I'm not sure about the mileage, but its about a 90 minute drive from where we live. Hurricane force winds are still predicted for my area with gusts up to 100MPH, but certainly not as bad as it could be. I'm pretty confident that we've made all the preparations that we could and that the house will hold up pretty well.

The first events of any signifigant rain or wind should begin here sometime around 3PM CDT, even sooner along the coast, with the eyewall making landfall around 6AM CDT Saturday.

I drove around a bit last night and got a feel for what was going on around town. Almost every store is closed. Gas stations are all sold out. Some people, rather than wait in the stop and go traffic, decided to pull off and call it a night to conserve fuel. Some are already out of gas. Help is on the way though by way of National Guard and many good samaratains.

The state and Local government have been doing a masterful job in communicating with everyone especially Houston Mayor Bill White. There is no sense of panic anywhere and people are already reaching out to other people with water, gasoline, shelter, medicine, and baby formula. Its like the complete opposite of what you saw in New Orleans.

The winds have picked up noticeably and are steadily increasing in their intensity. It does appear that we're going to dodge a direct hit, but we still expect hurricane force winds.

That's it for now. I'll update again if we still have electricity.

Update

Thursday, 9/22/05 12:52PM

Some 12 hours after my last post, I'll clue you in on the goings on here in Space City.

I barely slept last night. The storm actually strengthened last night and the computer prediction models were sending the worst part of the storm right for my back yard. Apparently the models have changed a bit, even since this morning. The storm has begun a bit of a turn to the north ahead of where they said it would. This bodes well for my immediate area, and not as well, obviously, for others. What right at this moment for me is somewhat of a relief is someone else's worst nightmare.

I rented a car this morning, one that I'm sure was one of the last available in town. The airport was completely out, and I got the last one at this agency. Our final decision is to stay put, and most of my neighbors have made the same decision. I'm still glad I got the car even though we may not even need it. It was a load off my mind. I just wonder how many people in the new predicted path decided last night to stay and now find themselves in the path of the storm. Who knows. The storm's path is still far from a certainty.

The freeways and traffic here are unreal. Its probably the major reason why we're not leaving. People are moving 25 miles or less in 12 hours. The main artery, I-45, had the southbound lanes reversed and all lanes are running north. My dad made a good point in saying, "where do you want to be stuck in the middle of a hurricane; at home or in a car on the freeway?"

Gasoline has become a real issue here. I'm thankful that I filled up when I did.

My wife said that the airport checkpoints are out of control, as more than half of the employees stayed home to prepare for the storm.

I boarded up 3 of the most difficult windows on the rear of my house. I'll get the rest later. Ironically, the windows I boarded up may be less at risk than the windows on the front of my house seeing as how the storm's predicted path has been ammended.

As I type this, the latest update has downgraded Rita to a Category 4 storm with maximum sustained winds of 150MPH, down from 175MPH last night. Keep in mind though, this is STILL the most powerful storm ever recorded in the Gulf of Mexico. Whichever area gets a direct hit will be devastated.

More to come later.

Hurricane Hideout

Thursday, 9/22/05 12:19AM

I'm having trouble sleeping and this seems to alleviate my stress a bit.

As mentioned previously, my wife's car has a hole in the radiator. I bought a new one at Autozone and hopefully I'll get a chance to install it tomorrow. The cell service here is intermittent, due to the massive call volume. According to the weather reports, the storm is about 48 hours away from landfall. I bought 4 sheets of particle board from a guy in a parking lot with a huge flatbed trailer. It cost me $72. I should have enough to cover almost all the windows in my house.

We're well stocked in the provisions department. My real worry is the wind. All the predictions locally on the news show sustained winds of up to 120MPH for my area, and I'm 70 miles inland. We've got four five gallon jugs of water, and two empty jugs.

Frankly, I'm not too sure how we'd leave if we could. The major thoroughfares are all inundated with countless vehicles from points south of Space City. A typical commute of one hour now takes six, even at this early hour.

I was supposed to attend the NASCAR race this Sunday in Dover, DE. I was supposed to have an impromptu Arrosox reunion this weekend. These things that I'd been looking forward to for months seem so distant now. Almost like I had never even planned them in the first place. My friend Jeff is going to the NASCAR race with my brother, seeing as how my father and I are staying put. Jeff is a veteran of several hurricanes having lived in Florida. He informs me that once the lights go out, so go the cell towers. I recall news reports from Katrina ravaged New Orleans that said text messages were getting through. Time will tell, I suppose.

I spoke with buKit this evening. His offer of a place to stay to ride out the storm and it's aftermath really meant a lot to me. He's promised to update the blog in the event of my extended absence by relaying any communication here. His first post was earlier today when we were having some difficulty here with the internet and cell service. More of that is sure to follow in the coming days.

As I type this, I have the local news on in the background. They've gone into 24-hour Hurricane coverage. Most of it is just speculation and not really any new info. I don't know why I beat myself up watching it. Nothing they say right at this moment is going to change anything. We're as prepared as we're ever going to be, which is better than most people can say. At least better than the ones that are staying. Nothing they say is going to alleviate the brutal traffic north. Maybe the traffic will let up, but I doubt it. And if it did, I'm not too sure if we'd leave anyway.

I'm sure it sounds moronic to anyone on the outside. I've said it myself when watching newscasts about other people in other storms. "Why in the hell don't they leave? What were they thinking by staying behind?" Until you put yourself in that position and you're faced with those decisions, you really can't say how you'll react.

I dunno.

As for now, the plan is to stay. We plan on re-evaluating the situation in the morning. Until then, I guess I'm off to bed to enjoy the last 48 hours of air conditioning that I'll have for a while.

Rita Report 01

From the kjunglewires:

09.21, 7.21 pm EST

Update...Ron's radiator just sprung a leak so we're down to one car, without a/c. I guess the phone lines are jammed because I can't even call my voicemail.

The internet is down now as well. All flights out of here are full. The freeways are obscenely jammed.

Posted by the buKit via text message from kjungleboy.

Lovely Rita, Meter Maid

Wednesday, 9/21/05

Day One,

Hurricane Rita is about 2 and a half days out. Its probable target is yet to be determined.

I've never been through a hurricane before, so this is uncharted ground. buKit has downed several of the famous "hurricane" cocktails, and assures me that I haven't a thing to worry about.

We live in Spring, about 20 miles north of downtown Space City and 70 miles from the coast. I saw things today that I've only seen on the news. Lines for everything. Shelves that are bare. Boarded up houses, IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD. I'd never actually seen a line for gasoline until today, and I was in it. I waited in 2 lines at the hardware store. one for batteries, one for propane. Total wait time, 90 minutes. I'm not sure if we'll have electricity after the storm hits, but my grill has a side burner.

Evacuations orders are out for just about everyone south of the city today. From the people I've talked to and taking into account my own feelings, I'd say the mood here is more anxious than anything. Perhaps the panic is yet to come.

Currently, I'm trying to get the kids out of town, but it appears that the flights are all full. I'm still going to play the stand-by waiting game at the airport later this evening with them.

I'll try to update this as often as I can. buKit will be lending a hand in a yet to be determined manner, either here or on buKitzone.

"Everybody say, Hey....we want some...."

Nothing really of substance to add here. I just really hate cats. They're inattentive. They go #2 in the house. They don't bathe. And they tear up your furniture.

"George Bush doesn't care about black people." Vol 1

In keeping with my not-so-frequent New Orleans updates and how George Bush is to blame for the suffering of everyone therein, I offer this about one of his more vocal critics...

"The levee system that had protected New Orleans for hundreds of years had failed. Our city was inundated, 80 percent of it, with deadly water. Thousands of lives were lost, many drowned, trapped in their homes. Others were lost trying to escape the fury." -Rep. William Jefferson, D-LA 9/7/05 on the floor of the House of Representatives

Military sources say that Rep. William Jefferson (2nd Congressional district, LA), an eight-term Democratic congressman, asked the National Guard that night to take him on a tour of the flooded portions of his congressional district. A five-ton military truck and a half dozen military police were dispatched.

Lt. Col. Pete Schneider of the Louisiana National Guard said that during the tour, Jefferson asked that the truck take him to his home on Marengo Street, in the affluent uptown neighborhood in his congressional district. According to Schneider, this was not part of Jefferson's initial request.

Jefferson defended the expedition, saying he set out to see how residents were coping at the Superdome and in his neighborhood. He also insisted that he did not ask the National Guard to transport him.

"I did not seek the use of military assets to help me get around my city," Jefferson said. "There was shooting going on. There was sniping going on. They thought I should be escorted by some military guards, both to the convention center, the Superdome and uptown."
The water reached to the third step of Jefferson's house, a military source familiar with the incident told ABC News, and the vehicle pulled up onto Jefferson's front lawn so he wouldn't have to walk in the water. Jefferson went into the house alone, the source says, while the soldiers waited on the porch for about an hour.

Wait, it gets better.

According to the source, Jefferson finally emerged with a laptop computer, three suitcases, and a box about the size of a small refrigerator, which the enlisted men loaded up into the truck.

The Louisiana National Guard states that the truck became stuck as it waited for Jefferson to retrieve his belongings.

Two weeks later, the vehicle's tire tracks were still visible on the lawn.

The soldiers signaled to helicopters in the air for aid. Military sources say a Coast Guard helicopter pilot saw the signal and flew to Jefferson's home. The chopper was already carrying four rescued New Orleans residents at the time. A rescue diver descended from the helicopter, but the congressman decided against going up in the helicopter, sources say. The pilot sent the diver down again, but Jefferson again declined to go up the helicopter.

After spending approximately 45 minutes with Jefferson, the helicopter went on to rescue three additional New Orleans residents before it ran low on fuel and was forced to end its mission.

"Forty-five minutes can be an eternity to somebody that is drowning, to somebody that is sitting in a roof, and it needs to be used its primary purpose during an emergency," said Jerry Hauer, a homeland security expert and ABC News consultant.

Coast Guard Cmdr. Brendan McPherson stated, "We did have an aircraft that responded to a signal of distress where the congressman was located. The congressman did decline rescue at the time so the helicopter picked up three other people.

"I can't comment on why the congressman decided not to go in the aircraft," McPherson said. "Did it take a little more time to send the rescue swimmer back a second time? Yes … You'd have to ask the congressman if it was a waste of time or not."

The Louisiana National Guard then sent a second five-ton truck to rescue the first truck, and Jefferson and his personal items were returned to the Superdome.

Schneider said he could not comment on whether the excursion was appropriate. "We're in no position to comment on an order given to a soldier. You're not going to get a statement from the Louisiana National Guard saying whether it was right or wrong. That was the mission we were assigned."

Comments from Kanye West still forthcoming.

Source - ABC News

Seanie's got a gun

Dateline : New Orleans

It seems our lil' sailor has dissed the boat for some serious firepower. Sean Penn was seen this week touting a shotgun while on his "rescue mission". Two looming questions come to mind. Since the Military now controls the city and the regular citizens aren't pernmitted to carry weapons, how did Penn get a gun? Lastly and most importantly, who in the hell does he intend to shoot?

An A for Effort

From the kjunglewires...

People are dying. Where's my photographer?

Efforts by Hollywood actor Sean Penn to aid New Orleans victims stranded by Hurricane Katrina foundered badly overnight, when the boat he was piloting to launch a rescue attempt sprang a leak. Penn had planned to rescue children waylaid by Katrina's flood waters, but apparently forgot to plug a hole in the bottom of the vessel, which began taking water within seconds of its launch.

The actor, known for his political activism, was seen wearing what appeared to be a white flak jacket and frantically bailing water out of the sinking vessel with a red plastic cup. When the boat's motor failed to start, those aboard were forced to use paddles to propel themselves down the flooded New Orleans street.

Asked what he had hoped to achieve in the waterlogged city, the actor replied: "Whatever I can do to help."

With the boat loaded with members of Penn's entourage, including a personal photographer, one bystander taunted the actor: "How are you going to get any people in that thing?"

Idiocy

I'd like to preface this entry by asking anyone and everyone to contribute to the Hurricane Katrina Relief Effort. I did so after an email by my good friend and kjunglerants co-contributor buKit. He may not be in the best financial situation with what's gone on in his family's life lately, and yet he still was able to give.

The following is a list of places that you can contribute:
http://www.redcross.org/
http://www.salvationarmyusa.org/USNSAHome.htm
http://national.unitedway.org/

Its really difficult to find words to describe what some of these people have experienced in the last week. One of the things that really irritates me to no end is how people seize on an opportunity to better themselves as a result of others' suffering. Jesse Jackson had the nerve to question President Bush's response to the disaster and Bush's apparent nonappointment of Blacks to the effort stating, "How can blacks be locked out of the leadership, and trapped in the suffering?"

For some reason, Jackson failed to note that U.S. Army Lt. Gen. Russell Honore, head of the military task force overseeing operations in the three states, is Black. His task force is providing search and rescue, medical help and sending supplies to the three states in support of the Federal Emergency Management Agency.

Guess that doesn't prove Jesse's point though.

Are Blacks the only people affected by this tragedy? Do you honestly think that in this day and age that people would care more, donate more, help more if the victims were all white? People point out how many of the innocent victims are Black. Uh, News Flash. White people live in New Orleans and the Gulf Coast too. They've been victimized. The people rendering aid to those affected come from all walks of life and are of all colors. New Orleans happens to have a 67% Black population, so the law of averages would dictate that, unfortunately, most of the victims would be Black.

But honestly, does it really matter what color someone's skin is? The only ones I hear making this argument are the people on the left. Canadian Blogger Matthew Good stated that , "Were affluent whites stranded in New Orleans, the response would resemble lightning. Well moron, affluent whites ARE stranded in New Orleans. For example, some tourists (in Matthew Good's eyes no doubtedly white and affluent since they were on vacation, and some of them Canadian at that) at a hotel pooled together their money, to the tune of $25,000, only to have their prepaid buses commandeered by evil the Bush Government. (see here) FEMA diverted the buses to the Convention Center where (according to Jesse Jackson and Mr. Good) the poor and the Black were suffering at the hands of evil white people. Yet the evil, rich tourists were forced to sleep on a highway overpass.

When I see the footage of the goings on, I don't see a crying Black child, I see an innocent baby that has inhabited a cess pool for 4 days without a clean diaper. I don't see poor peoples' houses destroyed and the rich ones spared, I see a devastated city and a horrific natural event that took aim at every class, color, sex, and creed. I see doctors, pilots, divers, engineers, and nurses of all colors trying to help a beleaguered people while putting their own lives on hold.

For whatever moronic reason, hip-hop tool Kanye West took a swipe at President Bush this evening claiming, "George Bush doesn't care about Black people" and said America is set up "to help the poor, the Black people, the less well-off as slow as possible. I hate the way they portray us in the media. If you see a Black family, it says they're looting. See a white family, it says they're looking for food." West went on to say that he'd informed his business manager to see how much he could give. Just so we're straight here, the President has mobilized the military, earmarked an unprecidented $10.5 billion in initial aid, visited the devastation twice, and is a racist bigot that hates Blacks. Kanye West made a phone call to his bookkeeper.

Dear Kanye, You could take a page out of Macy Gray's book and volunteer your time to the Red Cross as she has here in Houston and try to help people put their lives back together.

Its funny, because the humanitarian aid was discontinued in favor of cracking down on the lawlessness by none other than New Orleans' mayor, C. Ray Nagin who happens to be Black. He rightly did so only after the thugs (his words not mine) needed to be dealt with. Rescue teams and vehicles delivering aid were being fired upon and hijacked. National guardsman and police were being shot at. Police were powerless against armed hoodlums. Looting was out of control. Women and even CHILDREN were being raped. Nearly one third (some estimates put it at half) of the N.O. police force simply deserted their posts.

I'd like to go on record as saying that mayor Nagin has done an admirable job in wake of this disaster. He is STILL in the city some five days after the Hurricane. He told everyone to leave before Hurricane Katrina hit. Even though the Superdome deteriorated into obscene living conditions, nearly everyone that chose to evacuate to that location survived thanks to mayor Nagin. The use of the Superdome was only intended for the duration of the storm. Its my understanding that mayor Nagin has stayed at the New Orleans convention center, and that the conditions there are even more deplorable than the Superdome. See for yourself here.

Why in the hell in this day and age and in the wake of this disaster are people trying to focus on how we may be different, instead of how we are all so exactly alike? Saying that racism is involved in this response makes about as much sense as saying that the Hurricane deliberately sought out the less fortunate. Its saying that the doctors and nurses aren't trying as hard to save lives, the helicopter pilots aren't flying as fast, the winches aren't going up and down as quickly, people aren't donating as much.... all because of the color of one's skin.

If you jerks are going to play the race card, do me a favor. At least wait until we save everyone that we can save and restore as much of the battered Gulf Coast as we can. Your nonsense isn't doing a damn bit of good. Why must you be so incessant on dividing people that are making such an effort to unite?

And a HUGE PS goes out to kjunglerants sole female correspondent -lilsistor- (aka KLF) for her recent comments on the buKitzone that I post here in their entirety:

"Hey all, As evil as cooporate America can be please keep in mind these folks who are steping up to the plate in the south. Coca-Cola, WalMart, Home Depot, Lowes, Giant Foods, and Anheuser Busch.
Strangely missing from the list many who were champions in the Tsunami Relief efforts. Perhaps they are still in shock and we should give them a chance, or that could just be a lame excuse. STARBUCKS, Target, Pepsico, Macy's and Sears. Source for all info each company's web-site press release page."

Give me your thieves, your lawless, and your armed

In wake of the floods that have submerged the greater New Orleans area, many of those that chose not to vacate the 'Big Easy' prior to Hurricane Katrina are now headed to Space City. The news outlets don't tell you that we already have many residents of the greater New Orleans here. Many of the ones now slated to arrive later this week, however, are the very same people that now fill our television sets by way of mass looting and lawlessnes. Apparently, they're welcome here now. But who am I to comment on the looters. After all, if you're gonna be out in a flooded city street only to be evacuated to a city where you don't know anyone, you got to have your bling-bling.

Given the numerous reports of how stingy the US and more particularly George Bush was in wake of the Southeast Asian Tsunami, I still have yet to hear one foreign nation contribute anything to rebuilding the Gulf Coast. Hell, I thought the Canadians (the French ones trying to succede Quebec) or France would've at least sent a letter of condolence. They had some sort of a vested interest.

I guess we know who our friends are. We're expected to be the world's policeman, the world's carpenter, and the world's hospital.

Just blame George Bush. That's what everyone else does.

I know what boys like

A recent article in the New York Daily News touts a Playgirl Survey that says "Forget waxed chests and rock-hard abs. A new survey finds ladies like their men scruffy, a wee bit chubby - and definitely not a metrosexual."

"Playgirl asked 2,000 of its readers what they find sexy in a man and the answers were surprising: 42% said they thought love handles were kind of sexy and 47% approved of chest hair. Rich playboys need not apply - only 4% of those polled said the size of a man's wallet mattered. Metrosexuals are also out: 73% want a guy who is "rough around the edges."

After initially reading this, I felt a bit better about myself, seeing as how I'm certainly a bit plump, I don't shave my arms and legs, and I am by no means wealthy. However, it occurred to me that something was amiss.

Who really reads Playgirl anyway? I don't think its the ladies. I remember hearing somewhere that their readership is largely gay males. I could be wrong and I was unable to find any data to substantiate this.

I'm off for my Brazilian Wax.

Oh say can you see.....

As many of you may or may not know, the US Patriot Act is coming up for renewal in the Senate after passing overwhelmingly in the House of Representatives. While I fully support the Patriot Act and feel it totally necessary to the security of our Nation, I'd like to take the time to point out some little known provisions contained therein.

• Anyone whose last name contains only consonants will be immediately deported to Canada.
• Karl Rove, the author of the Patriot Act and the archetict of the New World Order, is to be known hereafter as the Supreme Being. All, including our figurehead President, are subservient to him.
• Anyone questioning the authority of the Supreme Being will be declared an enemy combatnt.
• Anyone questioning the authority of the New World Order will be declared an enemy combatnt.
• The military will be disbanded leaving the Superfriends responsible for our National Defense.
• Anyone who performs or listens to rap music will be declared an enemy combabant.
• The following individuals, by default, are enemy combatants: Al Franken, John Stewart, Michael Moore, Howard Dean, Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, Mr. Snuffalupogus, Mr. McFeely(for my money the most obscene name ever on childrens' television, or any television for that matter), Gallagher(if he's still alive), and Donald Trump's hair.
• French people are enemy combatants.
• Like the US Constitution, the Patriot Act is a living, breathing document. However unlike the Constitution, The Patriot act is allergic to peanuts and shellfish.
• Do not get the Patriot Act wet.
• Do not feed the Patriot Act after midnight.
• The Patriot is open for criticism, but is very sensitive about it's weight.
• The Patriot Act ain't no Hollaback Girl.
• The Patriot Act won't hold your hand in the mall, but may "drunk dial" you at 2AM.

Peace, Love, Happiness, and militant islam.

On the subject of me

I googled my last name the other day and discovered something rather interesting.

A FUNCHAR is an "inert" function character. It is simply a character that has a name but no particular function.

Apparently its some SGML internet speak, but some may argue that it applies to me as well.

Tolerance

In an earlier entry I told you about Theo Van Gogh, the Dutch film maker that was brutally murdered by a practitioner of the "religion of peace". In a Amsterdam this week, Van Gogh's killer Mohammed Bouyeri told a stunned courtroom, "If I were released and would have the chance to do it again ... I would do exactly the same thing. What moved me to do what I did was purely my faith. ... I was motivated by the law that commands me to cut off the head of anyone who insults Allah and his prophet." He turned to Van Gogh's mother and exclaimed, "I don't feel your pain." Bouyeri faces life imprisonment in the Nov. 2 killing of van Gogh, who was shot, stabbed, and nearly beheaded on an Amsterdam street. A verdict is expected this month.

In Iraq today, US soldiers were handing out candy and toys to a group of Iraqi children in Baghdad's al-Khalij neighborhood when another practitioner of the "religion of peace" happened by. The peaceful, tolerant, freedom fighter drove up, plowing over several of the children, and detonated his car bomb killing 27 and injuring more than 50. Nearly all of the dead and injured were young children.

Evidence is still being gathered in Central London after several practitioners of the "religion of peace" detonated several tightly choreographed explosions on the Underground and one on a bus. The attackers were all allegedly native Britons. Several British politicians have urged restraint and tolerance in wake of the attacks.

Rock the cradle of love (Canada Update)

"...It's not fair, to the nightmare,
Of the cross-eyed bear that you never met..."

Or so go the misinterpreted lyrics in Alanis Morrisette's hit "you oughta know". I heard a rumor (rumour for my Canadian friends) that Alanis' hit song was about none other than not-so-funnyman Dave Coulier. During my subsequent Google-ing for this entry, I found out that in addition to having a thing for equine faced women, Mr. Coulier is also quite the cradle robber. Apparently he's like 15 years younger than she, and he was like 30 when they started dating. Do the math.

No word on whether he took any liberties with John Stamos or the Olsen twins.

Everybody's workin' for the weekend

Well, at least everybody else was. I'm about to start week two of my vacation. Some of the goings on are as follows:

I Saw Star Wars Episode 3 and thought it was incredible. Now I don't want to overhype anything. But I heard all the good reviews before I went in, and was expecting to be let down. Tons of action, less sappy dialogue, and jar jar bigs is silent in his only appearance. I'll put it like this...I loved star wars and empire. I thought that the ewoks ruined jedi. I hated episode one, and still haven't seen episode 2. I put it as 2nd best behind empire. It really is that good.

Record heat plagues the space city area, and my house was like an oven all day. At least the pool was open this weekend.

Mark Martin, my favorite NASCAR driver since forever and who is also retiring after this year, won the race saturday night and picked up a million dollars to boot.

My oldest son lost his last tooth. Man I'm old.

We had some bomb ass fajitas this weekend. I can't take all the credit, because the meat comes pre-marinated. But cooking them correctly is a skill in itself. My wife even loves them, and she wasn't even eating meat of any kind 12 months ago.

kirk out

Shiny Happy People Holding Hands

Just to let the quarter-dozen or so people that frequent this blog know, all is indeed well in kjungleland. We had some furniture delivered yesterday that was defective and needs to go back. The rack on my dishwasher rusted and broke. Our a/c in the house doesn't work very well, and its supposed to be 95° here today. My car, although totally paid for, has no a/c. Some idiot nearly caused an accident when he decided that it was his turn to go at a four-way stop intersection yesterday. And finally, earlier this week I saw a very rude lady with a brand new 4x4 crew cab pickup pay for some groceries with food stamps.

No, this isn't buKitzone.



Calgon, take me away.